I have retreated back into myself. The back burners are cooking away. But I think it's all ok. Christmas break will be interesting. I'll just be here. No Canada. No week long trips anywhere. Just Hattiesburg, for a solid month. A little depressing, maybe I'll finally read something. Maybe I will learn a language.

I'm realizing that I am a private person. I like to talk and share things, and I definitely like to unleash my thoughts, but lately I have been so unwilling to do it. I guess that is based on trust issues and the lack of interest to have myself vulnerable to misunderstandings and emotonal lava spills.

I need a haiku for my movement analysis class. We have to create a dance phrase and motif it (write it out with our labanotation). The phrase must be based on a haiku. The instructor has given us a list of haikus to choose from, but we can use other ones. So I am on the search now for a better haiku. I know nothing about how to write them... 5-7-5, but what to do with that is another question.

5-7-5 but what

to do with that

is another question

(is that a haiku?)

I'm tired and so ready to not be a college student anymore. Even though my plan is nothing close to clear after graduation in another 2 summers, I am ready to face it with my uncertaintity and dive in boldly.

It is funny. My friends and I were asking eachother these 'tabletalk' questions and some best-worst hypothetical questions last night, and there were a lot of relationship questions. And the idea that kept lashing its face in my head was, if I knew beforehand that my marriage was going to be mediocre, with a man I did not love or understand, lacking communication skills, would I still get married? A tough thought. If I knew that my spouse would abruptly turn into a completely different person (for the worst) after the first year of marriage, would I still say yes? Not that I have potentials floating around me at the time. No boyfirend in sight. But I am scared. I hate how observant and perceptive I am, because it ends up just intensifying my fear to move on and just live.

You're brown bag special: Today, an environmental activist.

Yeah, I am realizing my potential to be a serious environmentalist. We have, afterall, been given dominion over the earth. We were not told to take advantage of this dominion, but care and respect and be responsible with this dominion. We were to supervise and protect creation, in order that it would be able to be fruitful and multiply. Productivity and Creativity.

At first I thought the "Human Element" commericals were a little loofy, but I get it now. The "human element" is that WE HUMANS are the only creature on this earth made in God's image and capable of making the choice of how to treat the environment. All the other parts of nature are under our care, and we are doing a terrible job at taking care of what we have been given.

And I am not talking about idolizing nature and the environment so that it is our sole obsession, but I think it is one of our responsibilities to care for it under God's rule, authority, and sovereignty.

I'm taking this 'technical writing' class this summer, and our final portfolio includes a Recommendation Report, in which we write about a local or state problem that we think should be addressed and solved. We are to write this report as if we will be sending the report, as a request, to the person that can 'make it happen'.

I hate this project, because I take these things so seriously. Before I started my research, I knew I would get sucked into what ever 'problem' I chose to work with, and so here I am... getting fired up about recycling programs and educational programs about caring for our environment.

Becoming healthier people seems to be on the minds of a lot of people in the US, finally, and yesterday I watched a report on CNN about what to do to resolve the obesity issues in the US population. I laughed when I heard the option of applying a Sin Tax to "unhealthy foods", similar to the tax placed on alcohol and tobacco. There was a mention of the invasion of rights of people with obesity. I don't know how that would play out.

But it seems to me that if we are trying to be healthier as individuals we have to have a healthier environment... It all ties together. If we have a healthy environment/community, then we'll inevitably become healthier individuals (to some extent). And if we become healthier individuals we will inevitably develop an increased awareness of the need for our surroundings and our communities to be healthier.

I made a harsh comment one morning when my family and I were eating some fresh, warm, deliciously heart disease coating doughnuts. I was responding to something, but I can't remember what to, and I said, "they're just catering to a fat nation."

We're a nation of glutonous consumers... And maybe ADHD has something to do with it as well. We're fast paced, always on the go, and just taking what we get and moving on... keeping up with the flow none the less. I was watching the Letterman Show last now, or Jay Leno, or Conan O-Brian... one of them had a comedian on the show that talked about ADD. It was pretty funny. He said that people with ADD these days are now only paying attention, since we have all the gadgets and heart attack initating stimulus every moment of every day.

We're an over weight, over stimulated, over catered, over consuming nation...

And the realist in me knows that its not a problem that can be fixed or "cured" in this lifetime of creation. SIN tax, a little ironic. By grace the earth hasn't been completely anialated by mankind, and ultimately by God...(that Flood thing, yeah), and by grace would we ever be able to make a difference and be aware of the need for a difference...it's His difference.

The Idealist in me wants it to all happen and be fixed overnight... even while well aware of the incapibility of human efforts.

It's funny to me how many people DO care about (or ahve an interest in) humanity and the environment... whether or not they profess Christ as their savior or believe in God at all...

To make this an even longer post, I could talk about the love of humanity some more. I was talking to a friend one night about the commands to love one another and the idea that "they will know we are Christians by our love." It is necessary at this point to figure out a real definition of love, because several religions out there that do not worship or acknowledge the one true God develop a faith that involves loving other people. Deep inside I believe all of those religions are based on the teachings of Christ and God's Law and the people are jsut blind to see what they are doing. But, if those other religions are using love as their main objective, than how is our love, as Christians, going to be different? hmm.

Just some thoughts, and distractions from my actual homework... to write this report.

I am Alive, and the musings that result.

This summer up to now,

I quit my job. No longer do I work with a now 14 year old boy with autism. That job had probably become part of my identity, but now, it's nothing. Even though I haven't really looked back at it, do I miss it. I miss the family.

I have been dancing and studying the muscoskeletal system. Kinesiology: the study of the muscoskeletal system and the biomechanics of human movement. It's great, and greatly exhausting. Dance really is what I want to do with my life. Atleast for now.

I was thinking about the idea that several people have about writing lists of all the things they want to do in life, and then breaking some of those points down into more detailed lists. It's not a bad idea. I have oogle amounts of things I "want" to do in life, but sometimes I feel pretty content in not actually getting to do them, knowing I can't do everything and can't be a part of everything. Also, majority of the things I would put on that list would be so random and unconnected, like owning a thrift/cosignment shop versus working on a horse ranch or living in Africa. I think I am just interested in thinking through it for once, and putting it all down to paper, so that I can visualize it all.

I went to the mall yesterday (on the fourth), and was surprised by the fact that the entire Camp Shelby (the local military base) was at the mall in uniform. It was fun though, and I felt proud. Heh. Sometimes I have imagined what it would be like if I became something like a 'warbride'. There is something pretty powerful about a person dedicating themselves to their country... that's big. I would love to be able to support a man doing that.

We'll see what comes... and what will become of my silly notions.

I think I have written about the problem of having expectations before, but I have been reminded multiple times this summer about how detrimental expectations can be to our lives and to the people we are conneted to. I have definitely been seeing the INFP in me this summer. It can be pretty brutal.

acknowledging and moving on.

One month and I'll be on a road/flying trip with my parents. We'll drive to St. Louis, fly to Seattle, drive to Victoria, BC (Canada),  fly back to St. Louis, and then drive to Kentucky, and then drive back to little, ol', hot Mississippi. We're seeing the brothers, their families, and my dad's parents. Hoping it will be a constant state of enjoyment...not as scary as it sounds, to be traveling so much with my parents by myself.

I watched Stranger Than Fiction the other night. It was great. I just couldn't get over the part where he brought her "flours". It would be fun to own a bakery shop. Or atleast work in one... maybe that can be my next job, when I'm ready for one.

Ok, just wanted to pop in, get this off my head, and state that "I am Alive".